I wrote this a few months ago. Does anyone else feel like this? I feel like there’s no hope for the rest of my life having gotten into this profession.
Confessions of a disillusioned EFL Teacher – entry 2 (5 years after entry 1)
Nothing has changed. I don’t know whether things would have been different had I gone to another country, or moved at some point, or even been in a big city. But I am as stagnant as ever, or even more so now.
I am alone, and lonelier than I’ve ever felt in my life. How do you meet people when this type of teaching takes away any and all socialising time? I start work when others have finished. I get home at 9 or 10:30 – no room for even an hour of after-work group activities.
The teachers all have their own, established lives and relationships. How, I don’t bleddy know. Several of them are in relationships with other teachers. And they care not to make new teacher friends.
All of my previous friends were foreigners who I met by chance due to people I lived with in the past. They all left years ago.
The tediousness. The monotony. The humdrum. The g**damned unfailing repetitiveness of this line of work has dulled my mind and made me apathetic, lacklustre and 100% unmotivated.
There is no change. There is no growth. There is no development. No opportunity. I have no LIFE.
Even if I had friends, what would I do? Just go to bars at nights. I’m tired of all that. It’s boring here. Cyclical repetition. And this job takes so much out of me mentally, that I’d rather just go straight home and try not to think about the misery that is my life until I am forced to face it the following day.
A big city would bring about no change, either. I’d get paid less and have to spend more, be far unhappier. What was ever the point of all this? What would have become of me had I stayed in (country)? I wonder…
It’s all such bull, this job. It’s not about education, it’s about money, at the end of the day, and nothing can refute that. We are not contributing positively to any of these students’ lives. When they look back on influential teachers in their school days, their one-time English academy teacher will not factor in.
I wonder, how many others feel like this? Who decides to continue, thinking it will get better, and instead get stuck after a few years of ever-downward spiralling?
How many others let themselves get sucked in, and regret their entire collection of life choices?
Same schedule. Same classes. Same pay, after 5 effing years.
How can ANYONE be content with…this? I literally want to slash my effing wrists.